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Bravestone is committed to the recovery journey of survivors and witnesses of gender-based violence. We work to provide opportunities for healing within the safety of our program. Learn more about our vision and mandate here.

 

Violence from an intimate partner can take countless forms. While many of us are aware of more overt signs of abuse in relationships, there are hundreds of ways a person can be made to feel unsafe. The simplest way to break these down is into three major categories: physical, psychological, and financial violence. We’ll go through three of the most common forms of violence, and give some specific examples of each below. 

Physical Violence 

Physical violence is what most people think of first when the topic of abuse is brought up. This includes hitting, pinching, and physical altercations, but it may also involve other tactics that result in bodily pain or discomfort. Withholding food and forcing someone to go hungry, or coercing someone to eat when they’re not hungry can be an incredible stressor. Removing blankets in the cold, forbidding someone from wearing more weather appropriate clothing, or even keeping the thermostat at unreasonable temperatures can be forms of control. Locking someone out of their own home, or keeping them from leaving a situation where they feel unsafe are also violent actions, even if there is no violent language surrounding them. 

Remember, if someone is making you feel physically uncomfortable or causing you pain without your consent, you have the right to leave the situation or request assistance from others. Your safety and well-being are important. 

Psychological Violence 

This can be a much more nebulous form of abuse, both to witness and to experience. It can be easy to brush off actions that are not “classic” violence as one-offs, or simply not “real abuse”. However, psychological violence is just as damaging, controlling, and harmful as physical violence. Isolating someone from their friends or family; refusing someone reasonable privacy (such as on their phone); or threatening to harm themselves if they’re left alone are all traumatizing, harmful acts. Even bullying or incessant mocking and insulting can and will wear a person down and do damage. 

Your mental health is important, and the people around you should respect and support your efforts to protect yourself. Removing yourself from a relationship that makes you feel unloved or unappreciated can be difficult, but may be necessary in order to take care of yourself. 

Financial Violence 

Controlling what someone does or does not have access to is a more subtle form of violence, but its consequences can reach far, far into the future beyond the end of the relationship. Denying access to wages, hiding how shared funds are spent or used, or even insisting all bills and debt are under one person’s name can be forms of abuse. This may also involve damaging or destroying someone else’s belongings, or taking things from them. Exploiting another’s resources without permission and a general hoarding of assets are a way to isolate someone and prevent them from accessing the support they need. 

No one has the right to control what you do with your money or possessions. Sharing some expenses may require the transfer of funds, but you should always be able to know how your money is being spent, and that any debt that has been accrued is being paid correctly. 

In Conclusion 

Violence and abuse are two terms that cover a vast collection of harmful actions that result in damage to another person. Just because something isn’t what you were taught was abuse, if you’re uncomfortable or in any way harmed without your consent, then the situation needs to be resolved. If you find that you’re experiencing any of these or other behaviours that result in your feeling hurt, isolated, or without resources, reach out to loved ones, or call the domestic violence hotline at the number below. 

 

– By Shay Funk

If you or someone you know is experiencing violence inside the home, please consider reaching out to the following resources. Remember, you are not alone.

Manitoba Domestic Violence Information/Crisis Line: 1-877-977-0007
Kids Help Line: 1-800-668-6868 (or text CONNECT to 686868)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: #988
Manitoba Suicide Prevention & Support Line: 1-877-435-7170
Manitoba Farm, Rural, & Northern Support Services: 1-866-367-3276